Bread

Nov. 18th, 2009 11:10 am
ringwraith10: (Reno likes shoes)
[personal profile] ringwraith10
I found this somewhere on the internets:

Why Bread is Bad:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

5. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:

* 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
* 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
* 96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
* 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident.
* 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.

6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all people born before 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

7. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

9. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and being fed only water begged for bread after as little as two days.

10. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

11. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

13. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

14. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, I propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

on 2009-11-18 04:27 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] cinnanexus.livejournal.com
Haha. Something similar:

H2O: Dangerous Chemical!
A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

* Forty-three (43) said yes,
* six (6) were undecided,
* and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

on 2009-11-18 05:28 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] ringwraith10.livejournal.com
Yeah, I read about that. It's sad how dumb people can be.

on 2009-11-18 05:29 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] cinnanexus.livejournal.com
It really is. Although, spending so much time on the internet, it no longer surprises me that people are as stupid as this. /0\

on 2009-11-18 05:35 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] ringwraith10.livejournal.com
True...

on 2009-11-18 08:01 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] merielrose.livejournal.com
Dude, I just ate a sammich. You scared the crap outta me. LoL

on 2009-11-18 08:18 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] ringwraith10.livejournal.com
Haha, I'm about to eat one. I just can't seem to shake this addiction! And I'm on the strong stuff, too -- whole wheat!

on 2009-11-18 08:38 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kimahri.livejournal.com
Is this for real? :o

on 2009-11-18 11:31 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] serria.livejournal.com
XD; LOL. This is awesome.

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